The Curious Ambiguity of Having Fun

[I’m contributing once again to the Insecure Writers Support Group day.]

I blog because it’s fun. That last statement is not as straightforward as it might seem.

Fun is often associated with amusement or entertainment, and is, like cool or sucks, an apparently innocuous term that can actually convey a great deal of critical judgment; the question Want to go see that Batman vs. Superman movie? can be answered Sure, that should be fun or Nah, that’s not my idea of fun. But when I blog, I’m not often amused and hardly ever entertained. Sometimes I blog with a great deal of agitation and anxiety, frustrated at not being able to convey what I’m feeling, worried about my readers’ responses (or worse, not receiving any responses at all), annoyed at this compulsion that drives me to post something, anything, every day. When I hit that Post button, I sometimes smile with satisfaction, but am just as likely to wince with regret.

Yet I’m having fun, no matter how I feel when my daily post flies out into the ether, forever beyond my control.

You won’t find the word energized in the dictionary definition of fun, but that’s the feeling that drives my blogging, inspires me to write on days both good and bad. I feel that energy in my fingertips as they hover over the keyboard, in my mind as it searches or even struggles for just the right word, sometimes in my entire body as it spontaneously rises from the chair, paces around the room whether I’m alone at home or on my lunch break in the work cafeteria (hey guys, how’s it going, soup’s pretty good today). It’s similar to the energy I feel when fencing, that burst of enthusiasm on scoring the hard-earned touch, the scream of satisfaction. (Yes, fencers yell when they score. It’s what we do. Don’t like it — go play golf.) 

Some days that energy is low on amperage, but it never goes inert. I’m not always happy with my blogging, but I always feel some energy when I’m finished.

And it’s a whole lotta fun.


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